“Don’t cry for me
Next door neighbor
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never going to keep me down”
Lyrics from “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba
I love these lyrics (the song is fun too!). I get knocked down. And, Not only is this a reminder to keep getting back up, but I really like the “don’t cry for me, next door neighbor.” Most people probably don’t even think about this line, but this one resonates with me.
Part of learning what to do with the energy that I feel from others has been to understand that I don’t necessarily have to do anything about what I pick up. Sure, I can be there to offer assistance, and I enjoy doing that, but I don’t have to, and sometimes that is exactly what someone needs. This is hard to do. We naturally want to help others. The thing is, most of the time we are helping by doing what we feel is right or necessary and not honoring what the other person actually needs or wants.
Think About This
You are sitting on a park bench watching people go by. Out of the corner of your eye you see someone trip and fall. (I am not talking about hard enough to actually hurt themselves, and, by all means, if someone is in danger, help them immediately!) Now your first reaction is to jump up and go over and help the person up. This is ok and it feels good to help your fellow man. The only thing you are missing is you didn’t stop to notice if the person really wanted help. If the first thing they did was look up, they are more concerned about somebody seeing them fall than about getting up. If they know someone did see them, they might be embarrassed or even flooded with past experiences of being called clumsy or awkward. Just waiting a brief moment to feel what that person is feeling will tell you this, which will allow you to make a decision based on what that person actually needs or wants.
Also, someone who has been knocked down might want the experience of doing it themselves. Toddlers and young children do this all the time. They want to “Do it myself!” To actually gain knowledge of something, we must experience it. Try not to assume that you need to cry for or pick up someone just because they fall down. Pause and see if you can feel what they might be feeling and not just what you are feeling…a need to be needed.
Look at the picture. Maybe this tree wanted to move over about 4 feet to be closer to the water. Had someone picked it up and re-rooted it, it would not have reached its goal. Worse, if someone had declared it dead because it was down and removed it completely…it’s life would have been cut short. Not all things that appear to be “tragic” are tragic. Some are just people (and trees) working out their own plan, in their own way, and on their own path. Don’t be so quick to cry and rescue people. Give people the opportunity to ask for help when they need it, as this might even be what they are working on. Asking for help.
Don’t assume. Witness, pause and see if you can feel what the other is feeling. Then make a decision to do or not do, knowing that you will always be doing your best.
