Studying as an adult from a variety of people comes with a lot of invitations to attend all sorts of “high end” retreats promising all sorts of things, from personal growth, business growth, relaxation while working, being with like minded individuals, master minding together, healing, etc. We have been on a handful of retreats and although there was a bit of a good feeling when I left, soon after I always felt drained and somewhat defeated.

Don’t get me wrong, I did get something out of each retreat, but something always felt off about them. As per my usual, I started with the definition of retreat. A lot of definitions refer to a military move, but the common descriptions are withdraw (as a result of superior power or after a defeat), an act of moving back or withdrawing, changing ones plans as a result of criticism from others or decline in value. WOW! No wonder I felt the way I did after attending a retreat.

Now you might be thinking that there are also definitions such as a quiet or secluded place and a period of seclusion for meditation, and that is correct. But during the retreats we attended, there were never any of these things. They were typically groups of people in uncomfortable chairs facing a stage, in extremely cold or hot rooms, being treated as school children (told when to go to the bathroom, when to be in your seat, where to sit, not to talk, etc.), often told when to eat (and even fed, so as to control what you ate and to make sure you didn’t sneak away for a little seclusion). There are even retreats that ask you to agree not to have alcohol and to abstain from sex. WTF? Yet we somehow bought into the hype of being pampered and that everything was being done for our benefit. Speaking from experience, not true.

You see you can grow by attending these retreats, but you better do it quickly. These retreats are designed to create a problem that they have a solution for. You will rarely find a direct or concrete solution for the problem you actually have, and you will most likely forget the problem you had because you will be quickly primed to take on the problems that they have solutions for.

So why did we attend? To grow. So you either grow dependent on these retreats and become retreat groupies, or you grow independent of them and remember who you are, and once you remember who you are, you don’t need the contrast anymore. Once you don’t need the contrast of a retreat (withdraw or moving back), you are ready to advance and allow yourself to do what it is you want to do. But you have to grow beyond them. It takes belief in yourself, faith in your abilities and confidence in your own powers.

And we still long to be with like-minded people, master mind, heal, rest. So when we were ready to stop retreating, we started looking for things that offer a place and atmosphere of recharging (restore, refill, return to a normal state of mind or body). There you will find quiet, seclusion, pampering and offers of healing and restoring. Move forward, don’t withdraw. Grow beyond the need to always be retreating back.

Photo: “Way Out” by Nick Webb is licensed under CC BY 2.0