I am going out on a limb here and using a “hot” topic for this discussion: food allergies.

I am a bit fearful about writing this, as I have witnessed how people respond to this topic because of their admiration for a loved one. We all want our loved ones to be safe. I am simply wondering if there is a better solution than fighting (a fearful response) to keep certain foods out of classrooms (fighting being the key word here). When we include and learn to understand each other and our “differences,” we can begin to respect and admire everyone as we do our loved ones.

I hope that if you continue reading this you do so with an open mind. I am simply curious about alternative solutions. Curiosity leads to thinking from a different perspective. When we step back and look at things from a different angle, we often can see so much more, which is pretty freakin’ awesome.

I remember when I was in elementary school, there was a girl that had epilepsy. Just like food allergies, the school thought it was important that everyone know about this medical condition. Here is where I see the difference. We weren’t given a list or a set of rules about what we could and could not do, have or eat because of her condition. Instead, we were called together and this girl and her parents lovingly (not fearfully) shared with us what her condition was, what it looked like if something happened, what we could do to help before, during and after, and all of our questions were answered. They did not ask us to change anything about ourselves, they simply gave us the opportunity to be aware of her. We all felt so empowered and we ALL watched out for her. We didn’t stop bringing or eating the foods that could cause her a seizure, but we damn well made sure we told her we had it. She, in turn, felt included and not excluded and never felt left out or ignored. This included eating at different tables, not her, but those that brought potentially threatening foods. We knew that by bringing those foods we needed to sit elsewhere for her safety, not because it was a rule. We never asked her to sit somewhere else and neither did she ask that of us. We respected each other because we didn’t make demands of each other. We worked together to help each other instead of divide each other into separate and distinct groups (inclusion with separateness).

I know this is just looking at food allergies from one view point, but I think it is helpful to allow yourself to think about things differently. First, almost every parent I know of a child with a food allergy, states at some point that it is life threatening. Yes, it is and so is breathing (you could breathe in toxic chemicals that could threaten your life). So let’s look at some facts. According to the 2010 Census, there are 74.2 million people (24% of the total population) under the age of 18. According to Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE), there are 6 million children (8%) with food allergies. The CDC reports that food allergies result in 300,000 ambulatory-care visits per year for children. Of the 8% of children with food allergies, 5% require ambulatory-care per year. Of all the children in the U.S., .4% (less than 1%) require ambulatory-care for food allergy symptoms. Finding statistics or any data on how many actually die from a food allergy per year is tough. There are several estimates of 150-200 (no indication of age), but the only data is from 2005, which lists only 11 out of 2.5 million death certificates (a number well below 1% and no indication of age). Again, if it is happening to you, it is 100%. I get that, but let’s put some perspective on something that is often discussed from a point of fear (understandably so, but still fear) and not based on any facts or data.

In today’s schools and classrooms, it is assumed that it is life threatening and that the child with this condition as well as the other children, have no possible way of being capable of understanding and learning how to handle this condition. I think this is BS. Kids are very smart, but, more importantly, they are very empathetic and intuitive. The majority (yep, 92% of children do not have food allergies and that is the majority) are given lists and a set of rules about what they can and cannot do, have or eat because of the minority. This leads to resentment, and even deceit. You see, these children see the child with an allergy eating at a restaurant, playing at the playground, at the local trampoline park, amusement park, etc… and they notice that they don’t have Peanut Free Zone signs posted. Remember, kids are smart. They know there is inconsistency. They feel bitter and lied to and then decide to find ways to break the rules that are imposed on them (crap, that sounds like things adults do!).

No empowerment. No respect. Just demands that begin vicious cycles of us vs. them.

Anger (the birth child of fear) and passion (the birth child of love) are interpretations of the same energy. Energy to bring about change. Instead of letting the fear control us and acting out in anger (manipulation, control, demanding), let’s take the facts and act out of passion (inform, respect, empower). We will never get past our fears (and return to love), if we keep listening to the lies of fear.

I suspect that if we didn’t jump to control the exterior environment and that if we stopped demanding that everyone else change (…everyone wants change, but no one wants to change…), and instead educated, discussed and asked for cooperation, respect would happen and ALL of the children would watch out for each other. After all, to respect someone is to admire them. I don’t know of anyone that would do anything to put someone that they admired in any sort of danger.

You could substitute food allergy for almost any condition we are experiencing today. The point is that decisions are being made from fear and not from love. Demands and not respect are being imposed. The reason I chose to use food allergies is that the love between a parent and child is about as close as we can get to pure love. Changes made as close to pure love as possible are the ones that bring about change. I invite parents to stop projecting those fears out by demanding everyone sacrifice and suffer so your child won’t, and instead start lovingly respecting others by allowing them to help protect your child’s vulnerability. The slightest change can bring about the greatness in all.