Last week I wrote about sadness and used both the loss of life and the loss of health insurance as examples. Although I felt sadness for each, I did not in any way mean to diminish the loss of life. I started with sadness because that is what I felt. Grief was not an easy emotion for me to embrace for a long time.

I rarely cry when someone dies, including my beloved pets. Most of the people around me cry but I usually have little more than an occasional tear when others are in deep despair. I used to think there was something wrong with me. Seriously wrong with me.

Then I began to think I was just good at handling grief. Tears weren’t necessary because I didn’t need them. But I wondered if that was just an avoidance tactic.

And then I thought I was unable to mourn. Like I just didn’t have the ability to release completely. And I began to wonder if I was just in complete denial.

Then I started studying the emotions and found that they show up for a reason. They also don’t show up unless you need them.

Grief appears to help us mourn and release. Some people need time and usually for a reason. It could be that they regret something they did or didn’t do or say. It could be that they themselves are scared of death and what lies beyond. Grief remains until we accept the death (loss or transition) and release it completely.

What I learned about myself is that although I can’t say for certain what happens to us when we die (beyond the physical aspects, no one can), but I do know that I don’t fear it. Death has never been scary for me. It feels very natural and simply a fact of life. When someone dies I mourn and release and I do it rather quickly. Grief doesn’t hang out because it has done its job. I have done my job as well.

I also don’t carry around a lot of unresolved issues. If they can’t be resolved with the other person, I at least resolve that fact within myself. Therefore I don’t have any regrets when someone dies. I know that I did the best I could while they were alive and carrying that beyond their death is a hard place to find resolution.

Once I understood this about myself, I was able to stop thinking there was something wrong with me. I also realized that I can actually be of great service to those that do dive deep into grief and that is a good thing. If we all plunged into grief together, we might never be able to get out. Having someone (especially a very empathic someone) standing on the edge is like knowing you have that designated driver. That someone that can get you home safely no matter how far gone you are.

I am grateful for the gift of grief. That I am able to stop and move through it quickly so that I can be there for others. To hold them and comfort them as they mourn, no matter how deep they go.