Teenagers believe they own this statement for themselves and rightfully so. A teenager is an emerging adult trapped in an environment (and often a body) that is simply too small for its soul. We live in an unaware culture that no longer honors or performs rituals for one of the most complex transitions humans make, child to adult. We have forgotten how important this is but the teenager knows it is important. When they aren’t seen or heard and continue to be treated like a child, they get angry. But they have been taught well and they quickly learn to manage that anger.
The problem?
Managed and suppressed anger does not go away. It waits. It strengthens. Eventually we explode and often it has nothing to do with the original reason the anger appeared. We repeat this cycle over and over because we never deal with the source. We never figure out what it is that is trying to be made conscious. What is being avoided. What needs to be restored.
For most of us, you can trace it all the way back to your teenage self (some even younger). To that point in time when you attempted to detach and become you and that made someone else very uncomfortable. You were being you and someone told you not to or that it wasn’t the right way to act. Or maybe it was even more damaging. Maybe no one even noticed you emerging.
We never seem to get to that place the child/teen waits for endlessly. The freedom to be ourselves. The environment that is big enough to hold our soul. Instead, we move from a desk in a classroom to a cubicle in an office. Rarely do we expand (with the exceptions of our waist size and financial debt) but instead we shrink. Always on the hope of getting there…some day.
And… the anger builds and builds.
And… we continue to suppress it, just as we were taught to do.
We rarely pay attention to the apathy (boredom) that continues to mask the anger for us. We have wrongfully villainized anger and rely on our apathy that arises to protect us from the anger we are unable or unwilling to deal with. When we are aware of our apathy and know our emotional states are healthy and working properly, this is not a problem. But the apathy most of us experience is not simply a need for a break. It is a way of escaping. Escaping dealing with our anger.
But who wants to be angry?
No one. But I am not talking about being angry. I am talking about the emotion of anger and the gifts it brings. The gifts we have forgotten about. I will take this plunge next week.
For now, take some time to honestly think about why you are spending hours binge watching mindless television. Eating when you aren’t hungry. Shopping for things you don’t need. Exercising beyond what the human body requires. Praying or meditating for countless hours a day. Is it really because you need a break or time to recharge or are you trying to take yourself out of commission? Are you happy with your job? Your life? Or are you doing what you think you are supposed to be doing, instead of what you want to be doing?
If you sound like a teenager, “I don’t care.”, “Whatever.”, “Just leave me alone.”, you just might be masking anger.
Unmasking apathy and learning about your anger isn’t for the faint of heart but I know you can do it. Being you is really all you can be. You just have to be willing to accept all the emotions and their gifts in order to do that. If you would like to talk or ask questions, Contact me HERE
