I have always preferred guy friends over girl friends. Mainly because I hate bullshit or, more specifically, fake bullshit. That doesn’t mean guys don’t bullshit, but they pretty much let you know they are bullshitting you from the start. Girls, not so much. They dress it up, put lipstick on it,  and parade it around — all while claiming it isn’t bullshit. Yeah, I hate that. I like girls, but getting through the stuff is exhausting instead of recharging for me.

I have had all kinds of guy friends. Boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers, gay guys (in and out of the closet), high maintenance guys, masculine energy men, feminine energy men and so on. I love them all. I love them for so many reasons, but mostly because I am attracted to them all for various reasons. They each compliment a part of me.

I am attracted to the boyfriends and husbands for the obvious reason that I am a heterosexual woman…hormones baby! I am attracted to the brothers and fathers for the part of me that likes to feel taken care of and protected. I am attracted to the gay guys and the high maintenance guys, because I am a healer and these guys are typically in need of healing, or they are healers themselves. I am attracted to masculine energy men, because they remind me that I am a woman and to honor that part of myself. I am attracted to the feminine energy men, because I am a masculine energy woman. This is my sweet spot, my favorite of all.

Feminine energy men compliment me so nicely. Now this doesn’t mean I am some rough and tough, bitchy, aggressive, manly woman, or that these guys are wimpy, weepy, passive, girly men. I am a female with lots of emotions, empathy, compassion, intuition, healing, nurturing qualities that understands that things don’t get done without some good old fashioned masculine energy of logic, reason, determination, assertive and rational actions. Same goes for the opposite. Too girly a girl or manly a man and things get toxic.

Dan and I fit these descriptions perfectly. I mean all of them. Dan is the perfect combination of all of those I am attracted to. He is practically my opposite, which makes us a perfect, albeit sometimes volatile, match. Volatile due to matching unhealed parts of ourselves (more on this in another blog). If we learn to look outside of our relationship for help to heal those parts, we grow closer and closer.

I learn a lot from my male friends. It makes my relationship with Dan even stronger. I am lucky he gets this. It isn’t easy for a lot of us to understand that relationships with the opposite sex are rarely about sex. Sex is just sex. Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful, but if your relationship is defined or threatened by it, watch out.

For me, having friends of the opposite sex allows me to have an even better relationship with my husband. This one in particular (a combination of brother and high maintenance) reminds me not to take myself so seriously. To get out of my head and remember to have fun. I need a lot of healing in this area. I am way too self critical and tend to stay focused on what needs to get done. Mike and I have been friends since we met when I was 17 and we were working at Sears. We can talk for hours, whether it be perched on a stock room shelf, sitting and sharing a soda (or beer or vodka), or talking on the phone. We don’t solve the world’s problems. Hell, we rarely do more than bullshit with each other. When we are bullshitting, everything else melts away. We don’t have to be spouses, parents, children, employees, employers, etc. We just get to be ourselves, bullshitting the time away.

Dan and I come close to this, but we really can’t ever have this, at least not to the degree that Mike and I do. Dan and I are all those others things to each other (spouse, parents, business partners) and I love that and wouldn’t trade it for the world. And sometimes I just want to escape and recharge by sitting and bullshitting with my friend.