It Really is OK to be Selfish. When you look up the definition of selfish the first half is about lacking consideration for others and unfortunately that is where most of us stop. No one wants to be thought of us not being concerned for others. But as you continue on in the definition, the second half is being devoted to or caring for oneself. Uh oh. Can’t be seen thinking of myself or someone might label me narcissistic. That is if you have a limited definition of narcissism, but we will save that for another blog post.
When did it become not ok to think of oneself? When did being selfless become such a virtue and selfish so shameful? More importantly, where is the balance?
We often hear people wanting balance in their life. How can we ever hope to achieve balance when one is considered good and the other bad? What ends up happening is that we tend to lean heavily in the direction of good and attempt to ignore the bad. The thing is, neither should be considered good or bad. They just are.
Balancing when to be selfish
There are times that we need to think of ourselves and there are times that we need to think of others.
Whenever you board an airplane, you are given very specific instructions about what to do in case of an emergency. When it comes time to instruct you on using the oxygen masks, the instructions are very specific. Put a mask on yourself first before assisting others with their mask. Ever wonder why that is? If you start to help others first, you will soon be depleted of oxygen and you will be limited to the number of people you will actually help. By putting your mask on first, you will continually receive oxygen and therefore you will be able to help as many people as need be.
Interestingly enough, if you consider being selfish bad, you will have a very difficult time putting that mask on yourself first and in turn you won’t be of much help to others.
Learning to be selfish is challenging in our culture. It is not considered honorable and people might even degrade you for it. Learning to not be so selfless has its own challenges as well. While we are being selfless we run the risk of denying and sacrificing ourselves. We all have desires and needs of our own and we should be fulfilling those regularly.
Equal Amounts
In order to achieve balance you have to have equal amounts of each, selfishness and selflessness. In order to do that, you have to have a healthy relationship with each one. Each must be considered as important as the other, as noble as the other, as generous as the other and even as kind as the other.
Where can you be a little more selfish and a little less selfish? How do you feel when you think about being a little more selfish? Problems arise when we start labeling them, categorizing them and positioning them in a hierarchy. You might want to delve into a new experience and leave judgment at the door. Have fun seeing what you are capable of changing in your life. It really is OK to be selfish.
