Words to me are both fascinating and infuriating at the same time. Words are the most commonly practiced way in which we currently communicate with one another and words are so often misunderstood, misused, manipulated (twisted) and by far the least effective way to communicate. Empathy, sensing, energy, feelings…these are all much simpler and reliable forms of communication, but no one is seeking them out anymore. I am working on seeing that we change that but for now I will go with what we know.
I was thinking about a phrase we often here, “Children are to be seen and not heard”. I don’t think the current generations hear this term that often, but I know that some Baby Boomers (me) and especially the Silent Generation (gotta love the name of that generation!) heard it but I will bet they never talked about it. I don’t like this phrase and like most things I don’t like, I set out to understand it. I do this because I have learned that the feeling of “don’t like” for me means I am sensing a mixed message.
A bunch of reasons why I wouldn’t like this phrase are – it being a widespread idea in the Victorian era that children shouldn’t have a voice in their lives and that idea spilled into the 20th century; that a child is void of all reason and knowledge and they have no valid opinions of their own; it is also believed to originally be aimed at women but later it was somewhat altered to simply mean young child of either sex. These are just a few of the reasons not to like it. But the one that gets to me the most is when you research how it was used in discipline. Failing to adhere to the directive resulted in discipline that was intended to enforce compliance and meekness.
What a bunch of bullshit.
Current definitions of compliance includes yielding to others in a weak and subservient way; conformity; obedience. Current definitions of meekness includes long-suffering; submissive, spineless or spiritless. Interestingly, both include reference to submission – subservient and submissive.
Like I said, I don’t think the current generation has heard this phrase much but I can guarantee you that they are still disciplined in very much the same manner… intended to enforce compliance and meekness; subservient (prepared to obey others unquestioningly). Sad. Very sad.
I know that I inherited the effects (compliant, meek, subservient) of this cause (seen and not heard) and I also know I want to change that. Recognizing, knowing and then understanding allows the process of change to be executed. The way that I did this was looking up the etymology of these words.
One thing I have noticed about words that I don’t like… the deeper I dig into the origin of the word, the more I find that the word was “reinvented” along the way. It was no different here. The origin of compliant includes accomplish, accuracy and cooperation. Meek includes gentle, kind and courteous. Subservient includes assist, lend support and useful.
There are the mixed message.
So why are words “reinvented”? It is similar to the reason that I use writing to communicate my feelings. It is the most widely accepted and understood form of communication. If I can begin to commune with you through words, my hope is that eventually you will begin to sense and feel what I am truly trying to convey (love, empathy, compassion). I am seeking growth and abundance through understanding and experience.
The difference is that when phrases like “Children are to be seen and not heard.” were developed and spread they were done so for preparing children to obey unquestioningly. Seeking conformity and obedience, without spirit. It was done by using words that were known and that felt good (accomplished, gentle and useful) and then changing the meaning over time (reinventing them). Our minds are very malleable to things that are good for us or bad for us. The effort comes in being conscious enough to question which is which.
For me, the gift of being seen and not heard is that I am accurate, kind, courteous and eager to assist and lend support. I am not weak, spineless or willing to accept things unquestionably. So are you. Go beyond the words and seek out a more reliable source of understanding.
